12. Tube Socks

Today, I saw a runner trotting around town not wearing running shoes, but wearing basketball shoes. And with those basketball shoes he was wearing some sweet cargo shorts and white tube socks. Now aside from the obvious terrible chafing that this person no doubt experienced by his poor choice of running shorts, and aside from the knee pain he'll have tonight, why oh why did he bust out the big tube socks? Why does anyone wear them? And why do they have to be called TUBE socks? It's just not a great word. You know what it makes me think of? Sex Ed in elementary school when I had to label the Fallopian Tubes on a diagram and felt instantly dirty afterward. I don't know if I looked at a girl the same way for at least 6 months. I was a dramatic child - very sensitive. The word tube also makes me think about tube tops, which doesn't make me feel much better than my elementary school self did when doing Sex Ed diagrams. Tube tops are either scary or trashy, depending on the weight of the person wearing one. I mean really people, have you ever seen a tube top look good? That's right, the answer is no.

But back to tube socks - can't we just agree that no one needs to see them? In my head, the only people that still wear white tube socks regularly are people that look like this. Doesn't he look like a sketchy dude? And don't you think that the addition of the white tube socks makes him even more sketchy? I hope none of you live near this guy, because if you do, you better hide your kids, hide your wives, and hide your husbands because, well, you know...