10. Tandem Bikes

So the other day I was on a little jaunt out to Kirkland and I found myself driving on East Lake Sammamish. For those who don't know, this road is a haven for the spandex-clad bikers who think they are sponsored by various bike companies. So while I was on this little jaunt, I noticed something rarely seen in the wild - the elusive tandem bike. And I cannot think of anything more ridiculous than riding a two-person bike. Now, I know that some of you will think, "But Adam, they are so romantical and ca-yute!!" False.  You are on the back of the bike staring at someone's butt. If you're climbing a hill, you're staring at their butt moving up and down. This person is also likely sweaty. They are undoubtedly exerting themselves. Now, I've been to a yoga class, and I know what this is a recipe for - a fart in the face. And with the 45.2% chance that the person on the front of the bike is wearing spandex, there isn't much between those sweet cheeks and your face. That means max fart dispersion. So please practice safe tandem biking. And don't wear spandex. You can't take that back.